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"Welcome to Purgatory!" /
"Let the Limbo dancing begin."
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"Hey _uddy, wanna go to a _ar
and gra_ a _eer? Waitaminute!
What kind of 'B' keeper are you?"
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"By golly, I'm gonna shoot down
that pesky Planet Mercury this time."
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"He slimed me; that's the fact, Jack."
"Okay Bill, focus. We're shooting
Charlie's Angels II now."
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Meanwhile, Dan Quayle ponders
whether he has corns, potaToes
or bOnions on his feet.
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(...but poisonous to anyone
from Clan MacGregor.)
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"I'm leaving you Florence.
You're just not 'Full of
Wessonality' anymore."
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With grease reserviors on all four
wheels and a high drag coefficient,
we call this model 'The Door-Dinger.'
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"OHMYGOSH, the moon's about
to hit you from behind!" /
"Yeah - like I'm falling for
that again."
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"Where's the Beef?"
*THUMP*
"Oh...but that's venison."
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"Is my shirt not Purply enough
for the Purple Club? ~purple, purple~"
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"...and that's how, 20 years ago,
I became the model for every Cabbage
Patch Doll ever made."
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"It's alive...It's aLive...It's
ALIVE!" [Gene Wilder stars in
'Young Frankenstein II - Gilda Returns]
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[Meanwhile, on ESPN5...]
And, welcome back to the
2003 Gimp Olympics.
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"Please no, just one more soap
opera." / "Sorry Ma'am, thirty
years is enough for anyone."
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Watch out! He's Crispen
Glovering all over the place.
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Introducing the new Xerox 7600!
For those no longer satisfied
only photocopying their ass.
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"And this little baby is *whoop*
*whoop*whoop* our over-head
pipe detector." *whoop*whoop*whoop*
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"...and this is Godzilla
eating the steeple. Rawr, Rawr!"
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Or for a more affordable option,
try our new 'Spiraling - Economy'
Staircase. Like it or not, you're already on it.
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.oO(Steady boy...steady. Just take
out the driver and you'll have the
nation's Gummi-Bear market cornered.)
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"I just shaved Batman's hairy ass!
What makes you think you'll fare
any better?"
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[How was school today, Billy?]
"In history, we learned to stain
our shirts with chicken blood.
Just like Jesse Jackson."
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"Okay, Big Blue. You say '0992.'
Is that your final answer?"
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"I was just exfoliated."
"Good. Hand over your Foley's card
and I'll see that it's destroyed."
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"Juuussst puut theee booook doowwn
and sssstare aat meee. Thhhat's riiight.
Ssssit baaack aaand relaaaaaxxx."
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"This is Major Tom to Space
Control. Can you hear me now?
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"I now pronounce you, um...
fruit and vegetable."
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.oO(Now what was it the doc said
I have; Al's hammer disease?
What's a hammer anyway?)
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With Starbuck, electricalengineering is always in one ear, out the other. |
"Men, our mission today is to stand
around and try to look cool in 'flight
suits' purchased at the tackle shop."
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"Excuse me, but is 'Richard
Simmons Hair Disorder' contagious?
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"Damn! Who would've thought zero-G
toilets would be so tricky?" /
"Hold on, I'll go get a shoe-horn."
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"Why, hello AutoLobot. And
what is your primary function?"
[holdstill] / "Urk!"
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"Wha? Who was that?"
"The Amazing Spider-man, I think."
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Never stand downwind from
a 'Mandrel Sister's' belch.
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"Well, you're a happy little
cloned baby. Aren't you? Oops-
lost another finger, I see."
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"...and this is Theo, the black
sheep of the family." / "Looks like
it's time for a shearin'."
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See the latest Route 66
attraction just west of Amarillo:
The Madonna Monument!
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At last, a proper 60's
Star Trek flashback the
way I remember it.
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"Damn! Nothing on but
Star Trek reruns."
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"See? I knew we had good
reason to sue the Stargate
people."
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Oh no! Anything but
Teletubies for Adults.
Please kill me!
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"So...what did Deep Thought
say? / "42." / "Whuthahell?"
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Carpet Diem! (or is it
'Carp Diem' as in 'Seize
the Fish.')
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"...in order to select...other theaters
in your area...PushThreeeee."
(Hey, KITT's gotta buy a new set of tires.)
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"And so boys & girls, it's time for
Mr. Rogers to 'shuffle off this
mortal coil' and head for the 'Land
of Make Believe."
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"Welcome to Sandman Boot Camp.
Now, before we learn to shoot Homers
we'll be shooting Barts."
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~/Lookin' for some Hot Stuff,
Baby this evening, I've got
some Hot Stuff, Baby tonight.\~
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"This is your captain. If you
look to the far left of your viewer,
you'll see an A-10 SpaceHog."
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You are now entering the Laurette
Spang Nebula. Children 5 and
under are free.
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Jacko, circa 2030
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"From what I've seen in the
locker room, you white folks
haven't evolved very much."
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'Richard' isn't a very PC name.
It's too male, and has 'hard' in
it and isn't ethnic enough.
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Pie charts...innnn...
SPPAAAAAACE!
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Next time on 'Blond Space
Pilots'... *shhk* "Oh no!
There's a rip in my flight suit. I
think space is leaking in."
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Why we don't hear much
about Henry Kissinger's
offspring.
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More lost 'Metropolis'
footage, I see.
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This December on SFC:
The Cylons have evolved.
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"Hey kids! *kak,kak* Be the first
on your block to get *wheeze* this
nifty SFC choker!"
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"In the naaame of E.T.,
I now proclaim this wall
FREE of termites."
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Meanwhile, on FOX... "Groom #1,
if you were a plant, what kind-"
"Actually, he is a plant."
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From Brian Herbert's prequel:
'Dune Frontier' - "What's that,
some kind of worm? *urk*
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"Oh, I just looove what you've done
with the place!" / .oO(Why did Christopher
Lowell have to get drunk in my town?)
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After returning to earth, Astronaut
Dave Bowman couldn't even go to
Blockbuster without hallucintating.
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~/She blinded me
with SciFi!\~
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"Hey you guys! Help me squash
these credits so we can fit
in more commercials!"
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Summer 2003
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Baby got BACK. |
"Lucy, I'm... HOME. |
Questions? Comments? E-MAIL. |